i love you Erica
by xxlovingitxx
Summary: i have decided to continue posting here so let me know what you think. : D So read and review. xx
1. Chapter one

I remembered the day she walked away from me. How much I wanted her, how much I needed her. I didn't even realize just how much she meant to me until she'd left. I really loved her, I love her with everything I have and she left me. She abandoned me. I wallowed in depression, blamed myself for everything that happened between us. Mark and Christina tried to reach me, but they couldn't I'd fallen into a pit of despair. I struggled with everything I did. Everyplace I went, everything I saw reminded me of her. Of thing we could have done together. I kept seeing her blonde hair and piercing blue eyes everywhere. My dreams were filled with what could have been. And I would wake up in tears knowing it would never happen. Knowing that she'd probably already moved on and that I hadn't. That I wouldn't. I was unable to move on. If I even lingered at anyone for too long I became guilt ridden thinking of how that would have made her feel if she was still here. Nothing seemed worth it anymore with out the woman I love with me.

So I picked up a pen, ready to say exactly what I had to say. My tears stained the page. I climbed into the bathtub and picked up the knife. I was a surgeon. I knew how to do this. How far to cut to end it all and I wanted too, I needed too. If I couldn't be with her. I didn't want to exist at all. As the knife pierced my skin and I felt the blood rush out I heard the door slam shut and Christina run into me. Panic stricken she looked at me in despair. Grabbing the knife before I was able to make the second incision on my other wrist. I watched as my world faded to black.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her wrist. I rang the chief immediately, thank god he was in my speed dial. He arrived minutes later as I did CPR on Callie. She was bleeding out and while I tried to stop the bleeding I also had to try and keep her alive. Bailey and Shephard arrived seconds later. An ambulance was waiting outside. They carried the gurney in and put her on it. I watched as everyone rushed out of my apartment. Then I saw it, the suicide note. I picked it up off the floor and read it. One line.

I grabbed my phone to ring Mark. "Hello?" Mark could immediately tell by my tone that something was wrong. "Callie's attempted to commit suicide." Nothing was said. Mark couldn't believe what he was hearing, he wouldn't. "Mark?" "Are you sure? Is she going to be alright." I breathed a sigh of relief as I crossed the road. Living outside the hospital definitely was convenient. "I don't know. I, I found her. You, you have to ring Dr. Hahn." Mark sounded confused at my request. "What? Why?" "Just do it Mark, for fuck sake. Just fucking do it."

When I hanged up from Christina I climbed in my car and dialed Erica's number. I prayed she hadn't changed it because Callie had been constantly calling her. One ring, two, three, four… I was about to hang up when I heard a sleepy voice muffle. "Hahn." I sighed in relief. "Fuck Erica." "Sloan is that you? What the hell are you ringing me for?"

After a 10 hour surgery on my feet the last thing I needed to do was be woken from my sleep after only an hour. I heard his voice, his tone was sad but panicked. I could tell I was on hands free. "Erica, its Callie." I immediately sat up. Callie. I hadn't heard that name in a few months. Since she'd stopped calling me repeatedly. "What?" "Erica you have to get to Seattle Grace now! She's committed suicide." My heart rate raced up as I heard the last word. Suicide. She'd committed suicide. Because of me?

I felt my stomach drop. I felt sick. Worse, I threw up. Right there on my floor. I grabbed my phone. Put my jacket on and rushed out the door. Thank god I'd taken the job from Mercy West, it meant I was only half an hour away. "Keep me posted Mark. I'll be there in half an hour. I replayed all the times we'd spent together.

This is gonna sound bizarre, I realize at this point that this is gonna sound bizarre, but any chance you people wanna get a drink with me?

Why would we wanna do that?

She's saying she needs a friend.

She's pretty huh?

She's beautiful.

I like penis. I am a huge fan of penis.

So are we on for tonight or what?

Um…. I told you I had a thing.

I'm not mad you're sleeping with Sloan. I'm mad that you didn't tell me you're sleeping with Sloan. I'm mad at you.

Look, I've never done this before. I've never kissed a girl. I'm not sure if I even like kissing girls. I don't, actually, like kissing girls. I like kissing one girl. You.

Vir-gins. Hey, we can be scared together

Kinda Virgins. And we can be scared together

Can I just say, the whole taking it slow thing… best idea ever

We don't even know what we are yet. So, how does Mark Sloan know? Why are you talking to him instead of me?

We need to have rules.

What?

Rules. We need to have rules about how we are going to deal with the motherland. Because it's undiscovered country. Maybe… maybe it'll be the best vacation either of us have ever had, but it's mysterious and dark, and… there should be rules. Oh and an embassy. And a safe word.

Erica? Maybe second base too.

I could see the leaves. And I didn't even know I was missing the leaves. I didn't even know that leaves existed and then….leaves! You… are glasses. I am so gay. I am so, so, so gay! I am extremely gay!

I slept with Mark.

Okay.

Twice actually.

Okay.

Take your pants off

Excuse me?

Take off your pants. We're trying this again.

You can't kind of side with Izzie Stevens. And you can't be kind of a lesbian.

Yes I can.

I can't believe I didn't know this

Erica the chief is right-

No. you. I don't know you at all.


	2. Chapter two

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**xxlovingitxx**

I sat there holding her hand. Praying and hoping she would get through this. Thank god Christina got there in time, before she'd been able to her second wrist. She hadn't lose a large amount of blood and that was the primary concern. Fortunately her heart hadn't stopped and therefore she was in better condition then any of us had expected. Having a heart surgeon in training as your roommate clearly did have its advantages. She hadn't cut an artery which was very fortunate as well. Plain lucky if you ask me.

I called her parents earlier today. They are on there way now. A eighteen hour flight and they will be here holding there daughters hand like I am now. They couldn't believe that she had tried to end her life. They couldn't understand what was missing why she'd been so depressed. Callie never did tell her parents about her and Erica. Christina gave me the suicide note and it currently sits with the Chief. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it.

The chief, Bailey and everyone is worried sick about her. We've had regular visitors. It was a shock to everyone. I mean, I knew she was depressed but I hoped it would pass. I thought that she could get past it. That she'd be fine but, but now she might not be. I want to blame Erica but I can't. I know that in a twisted way this is my fault as much as hers. If I hadn't slept with Callie when I knew that she and Hahn had a thing, maybe they wouldn't have broken up. Maybe she wouldn't have left and Callie wouldn't be laying a hospital bed instead of standing over one.

I rushed through the entrance. One time I thought that I would never have to walk through the door again. Never would I have imagined it would be under these circumstances.

I rushed to where the chief was standing. "Where is she?" I demanded. He frowned at me. "Erica, I'm sorry but you can't see her." Many emotions plagued me but my anger flared up with the Chief's answer. "You were in the suicide note. It's against hospital regulations for you to enter the room until you have permission to do so." "Fuck you, Richard. You can't choose when you get to follow the rules. I will search every one of these rooms until I find her if I have to but I will find her." I stormed off down the hall. I had to find her. "Erica, wait." I heard the Richard calling after me. I stopped. "Room 306." I turned and continued my path. Finally I stopped outside of Room 306. I could see Mark next to the bed holding her hand. There she lay. She looked deathly white, she'd lost a substantial amount of weight and her hair had lost its shine. I could see that her left hand was bandaged. I entered the room. Mark looked at me. He didn't say anything. He just stood up. He walked past me and stopped in front of me. "I'm going to the cafeteria. Look after her." I nodded as he walked past.

I slowly approached the bed. Terrified of what I'd done to her. Tears fell down my cheeks and I didn't even try to stop them.

I couldn't believe how deeply I had hurt the woman that I loved. My best friend, my confidant, my lover. She looked so broken but she is still so beautiful. I kiss her forehead. "Baby, I'm here. I'm so sorry. Please, please wake up. For me, please." I pulled the chair up. I sat there talking to her. Eventually Mark came back in and occasionally someone would visit her, they didn't say much to me and I didn't acknowledge their presence. But mainly it was just Mark and I.

I slowly drifted off to sleep. My head on her bed as I clutched her hand. So afraid that if I let go I may lose her forever.

I slowly opened my eyes. Trying to desperately remember where I was and then it hit me. I'd cut my wrists. I now lay in a hospital bed. I looked to my left. Mark sat on a chair. He looked uncomfortable but was asleep. I could feel someone holding my hand. I lifted my head. I could see the blonde curls that cascaded her face. I could see that her cheeks were tear stained and that she was crying in her sleep. I couldn't believe it! Was that really Erica? Was I dreaming? Was this all just a cruel trick my brain was playing on me. Was I longing for her so much that I could magical conjure her up?

I whispered her name. I watched as she lifted her head.

My blues eyes met her chocolate orbs as they stared back at me. They were filled with tears. "Oh my god Callie.! I sobbed. Mark woke up and pressed the buzzer. The Chief and Bailey came rushing in. The Chief grabbed a hold of me and tried to move me from Callie's arms. "Erica, I'm sorry but you have to leave. We can't have you in here." I got up. I hated having to leave her but I knew it was the right thing to do. Even if it meant be separated from her until it was all sorted out. As Richard escorted me out of the room. Callie started screaming. "No, no. Please, please don't leave me. Not again. Please." She screamed. She pulled the drip out of her arms and tried to get up. I ran back to her. "Shh, shh. It's okay. I won't leave. It's okay. I love you. I'm not leaving. Shh, Shhh."

I hugged her close to me and felt her relax in my arms. She sobbed. The chief gave us five minutes and then they would be back in to examine her and give her a psych evaluation.

I climbed into bed with her and held her as she cried. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Please don't leave me. God, please don't. I'm sorry." I held her and kissed her forehead. "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I won't leave you. I love you."

She cried and cried until eventually the Chief, Bailey and Mark re-entered. I couldn't be in the room when the psychiatrist came to do the psych consult so Mark and I stood outside. She let me leave but only if I promised to stand where the glass window was so that she could see me.


	3. Chapter three

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**xxlostitxx**

MARK

The chief had given me the suicide note back. He thought that it would be best if I showed it to Erica when Callie was having her psych consult. We were standing outside the glass window, as of Callie's demand.

"Erica." She looked at me. I could see the sadness, guilt, shame and remorse that was mirrored through her eyes. I handed her the note. One line was all it said. All it took for her to completely break down. She fell into my arms and I held her as she sobbed. As all the pain and anguish these past hours had been broke through her hard exterior.

ERICA

I couldn't believe what the note said. One line.

I love you Erica.

That was all it took for all the guilt to come through, all the sadness. I knew I had to be strong for Callie but I couldn't. Not with Mark. He held me as I cried. He stroked my hair and I sobbed.

CHIEF WEBBER

When I went into do the psych evaluation with with Dr. Wyatt, I knew that we were ingrave danger of setting her off. I'd already seen how she reacted to being separated from Erica.

As we did the consult I watched her. She kept staring out the window, where Erica and Mark were. I could see that Erica was crying into Marks arms. Callie could see this too and had asked me, begged me to let her back in but I had to be strong. We had to uphold these rules. No one was above them including our doctors.

DR. WYATT

When I saw Callie I knew that she was a broken woman. I had done many psych consults before and although I knew that she was of sane mind I could tell that she was extremely depressed.

I did however believe that Erica would play a big part in her recovery. I did however know that Erica didn't work here anymore and I hadn't seen her at the hospital since she'd left either. I could only assumed that she still lived near the area. I had to speak with her immediately to see what she was planning on doing.

I wrote Callie a prescription of anti depressants and anti-anxiety medication. I told her that she would needed to see me or another therapist weekly. She readily agreed and I signed off that she didn't need to be admitted to the psychiatrists ward. I also had to sign off that Erica was allowed in the room and I agreed with Chief Webber that it would be best if we didn't mention Erica already being in the room. I told Callie that I would book her into a session with me on Wednesday at 4:30. As I was leaving the room she asked me to get Erica for her. "I will need to speak with Dr. Hahn before she sees you if that's okay." Her face fell but she agreed.

As I stepped outside the room Mark went back in while I grabbed Erica's attention. "Dr. Hahn, if I could please speak to you for a moment." She agreed and we sat down on the chairs. I could see Callie looking out at us. Grateful to still be able to see her.

Erica put her attention towards me. "Yes, Dr. Wyatt." "I need to know what you're planning on doing about Callie." "excuse me?" "it's just from the way you were acting I assumed you are a couple."

ERICA

I hate talking about my private life. Ask any of the numerous therapists I have had in the years. I never had much of a private life until Callie came into my life. "We were." Dr. Wyatt was trying to prod information out of me. But the truth was I didn't know what I was going to do. "Callie is very depressed. She is also suffering from anxiety. We don't hold you responsible for what has happen but we do need to know if you plan on helping her through this as it is clear she relies heavily on you?" "Of course I am going to help her. I plan on doing everything I possible can to help her. I love her." "Well. That's good. I believe with your support her recovery time will be a lot shorter." I nodded and stood up. "I will pull her through this." I walked back into the room.

As I walked back into the room. I could see Callie lying in bed. She was talking to Mark while Chief Webber and Bailey hovered in the corner. Callie's eyes immediately fixed on me as I walked up to her bedside. She lifted her hand and reached out for me. I immediately held onto it and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. I felt her relax as I kissed her. Chief Webber and Bailey both exited the room and Mark Sloan wasn't far behind. Promising Callie he'd wait by the front of the hospital for her parents to arrive. Which would be very soon.

She moved over and pulled the blanket down. I kicked off my shoes and climbed in next to her. She immediately rested her head on my chest. I knew that she was listening to my heartbeat. I stroked her hair and whispered to her. "Callie we will talk about this but I want you to know how sorry I am. I shouldn't have ignored you. I should have spoken to you and I am so sorry that I cut off all contact. I love you and I am going to help you get through this. I won't leave you I promise. I love you." Callie smiled and lifted her head to look into my eyes. "I love you too and I'm so sorry for everything. For being so stupid and ruining the best thing in my life. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She started to sob and I held her tight. Hugging her and whispering in her ear. Eventually the sobs subsided and she fell asleep in my embrace. I looked at her. She was so beautiful and peacefully asleep. Her head laying on my chest and her hand clutching mine. I slowly drifted off to sleep.


	4. Chapter four

Don't forget to leave your review. i've already written the next 10 chapters so let me know what you think and i will post a lot faster!

**xxlovingitxx**

*********

MARK

After spending just over an hour waiting outside the hospital. I finally saw her parents. I had only met them once before but I would recognize them anywhere. Callie's mother had the same black curly hair while her father had her brown eyes. I quickly ushered them to Callie's room. They were both desperate to see her. They were worried sick.

As I opened the door. I saw Callie and Erica laying together in the hospital bed, both were fast asleep. They walked over to there daughter and I could see the look of surprise and shock that etched both there faces.

CALLIE'S MUM

When I walked into Calliope's hospital room, I certainly wasn't met with the sight that I expected. There on Calliope's bed lay a blonde woman who Calliope was clinging too, even in her sleep. I was surprised but assume that this was her best friend Erica. Although she had stopped mentioning her months ago, there wasn't any other friends that I could think of. She hadn't mentioned any other blonde woman.

I walked over to my daughter and took her hand out of the blonde womans. I thought that maybe she hadn't woken up but suddenly her eyes flew open and she started yelling for Erica. She settled immediately when she realized that she was laying with her while the woman I was now sure was her best friend Erica, soothed her. She hugged her tightly and I thought that for best friends they were exceptionally close. I retook Callie's hand after she had grabbed it back looking for Erica.

ERICA

I woke up to Callie screaming for me. I barely registered the man standing over us. I assumed he was Callie's father. Callie's mother stood further behind. I soothed her. She really was terrified of me leaving her. Callie's father took her hand and told her that he loved her and that he was sorry.

I tried to get up, this was a family moment and I didn't want to intrude. Callie looked at me with her eyes filled with worry. "Cal, I'll be back in a minute okay? I just need to organize a few things." "please, I'll come with you." Callie started to pull the blankets off. "Hun, stay here. I won't be gone for more than five minutes, okay?" She nodded and I left with one final kiss on the forehead.

CALLIE

As Erica kissed me on the head I closed my eyes, trying to savor the feel of her lips on me incase it was the last time I would ever feel it again. I knew that she didn't want to leave me but eventually everyone leaves me.

I watched as she walked out the door and my eyes lingered on the now empty doorway. My father started talking again and I brought my attention back to him. "Baby girl, I think you should come home. It's clear you're not coping here. In Spain you'll have the support of your entire family." I shook my head. "No, daddy. I have all I need here." "Honey, I knew you'd been having a rough time lately and although I don't know why I can only assume it has something to do with your best friend, Erica."

Callie smiled. Erica was her best friend but she was so much more… she was the love of her life, her soul mate, her everything.

"Daddy, she's not my best friend. Mum, could you please come here." My mother did as I asked and she stood next to my father. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Erica is so much more than that. She's my best friend, true, but she's the love of my life. I don't know what I am Daddy, but I do know that I love her." His brow furrowed in confusion. "Then, then why this?" He gestured at me. I took a deep breathe. "This was all my fault. I broke her heart repeatedly until finally she just left. We both made mistakes but she's here now and I love her and I will do anything it takes to get her back. I can't lose her. I won't, not again so mum, daddy, I need your support on this. Please support me." My mum smiled. "I haven't seen this kind of determination in you in years and I am glad you've found you're soul mate and if she can make you happy then I support you. I'll always support you baby." A few tears escaped her eyes and I knew that I was crying too. I turned to daddy who was looking at me. Trying to read me, see through me. "I, I'm shocked Calliope but I love you and I will support you. I love you." Tears streamed down my face, relieved to know that my parents supported me.

As I walked out of the room I went straight to Richard's office. I knocked on the door and he welcomed me in. "Aghh, Erica. I was just headed down to Callie's room but if you'd prefer to just tell her that Dr. Wyatt has insisted that Callie has at least a month off and by then her stiches will have healed. She will be released from hospital tomorrow." Erica nodded. "That's good but that's not why I'm here." Chief Webber gestured for her to take a seat. "I want my job back." Confusion filled Richard's face. "I'm sorry." "I want my job back. You heard me." Richard frowned. "I'm sorry but Dr. Dixon signed a 12 month contract. I'm sorry but she'll be our head of Cardio until the end of June. I will reinstate you if you want after that but I unfortunately I can't help you." Erica sighed. She had to be here for Callie. Could she really take a back step in her career for the sake of Callie. She was the Head of Cardio at Mercy West.

"Can I have an attending position?" Richard smiled. There was nothing he wanted more than to have Dr. Hahn back at his hospital. "okay." "Effective immediately?" The chief asked. I frowned. "Aghh, no. I need a month." He nodded. "okay. Welcome back to Seattle Grace. I'm sure that you'd agree that we are very lucky to have you Dr. Hahn." I nod. I know that he is smart enough not to bring up the whole Izzy Stevens/ Denny Duquette situation up again. I didn't call UNO's and as much as I want to hold a grudge against this hospital I know that I can't, not if I want to help Callie.

I stand out in the corridor and make my next phone call to the Chief of Mercy West. Chief Williams agreed that I could send my resignation in with two weeks notice. I told him that I'd had a family emergency and would be taking the following two weeks off. I left all my patients in my fellow Cardio attending and residents.

As I hung up it hit me what I'd done. I'd taken a lesser position because my personal life caused me to do so. Never in my life have I cared enough about anyone to put them before my work, my career.


	5. Chapter 5

**CALLIE**

The following day I would be released and I was extremely worried. Erica had promised me five minutes and she'd been gone for at least ten. I watched as the time ticked by and the further the arrow moved the more my anxiety rose. "Erica, Erica…. Please come back." I started to scream. She'd left me, again. Off course she had. Quickly a nurse was in my room administrating a sedative to calm me down and within minutes I had fallen into a deep slumber.

**ERICA**

By the time I got back to Callie's room I had been gone for twenty minutes. A nurse stood by her bed. "Dr. Hahn, we had to administrate a mild sedative. She became really upset and we were unable to calm her down. She will be asleep through the night." I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Mark sat on the chair by her bed. "Why was she upset?" I asked him. Fearing the answer, I really didn't want her to think that I'd abandoned her again. "umm… she, ummmm, she thought that you'd left. I tried to reassure her but she was screaming and crying. They, they didn't have a choice." I nodded. She really was afraid that I'd leave her again and the fear wrapped my heart. What if I did?

**MARK**

Callie had been given a sedative too and Erica now lay on the bed next to Callie holding her tight, hugging her. Tears streamed down her face and I sighed. Callie's mum and dad had gone to some fancy hotel for the night. I picked myself up and kissed Callie on the forehead before telling Erica goodbye.

**CHIEF WEBBER**

I'd been there when Callie had her anxiety attack. It worried me how dependant she was on Erica. She seemed to freak out almost anytime the blonde doctor wasn't within eyesight. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I wasn't a psychiatrist. So I put a bed in Callie's room for Erica. "Thanks Chief," she'd replied.

**ERICA**

Chief Webber had brought a bed in for me to sleep on. I knew that it wasn't hospital regulation for me to sleep in the patient's bed but I didn't care. Callie wasn't my patient, she was so much more. She meant the world to me and it cut me deeper than any blade ever could to know that I had caused all the pain that she was feeling. That it was my fault.

I stayed where I was through the night. Hugging onto her and listening to her heartbeat. It relaxed me and eventually I fell asleep.

**CALLIE'S MUM**

When I walked into the room the following morning, my baby girl was sound asleep wrapped in the blonde's arms. I had been told by a nurse that she had been administrated a sedative last night. As I sat in the chair and watched my daughter and the love of her life I knew that they would have a hard and rocky road ahead and although I didn't know if Erica would ever forgive Calliope for whatever she did, I really hoped she would. Callie had been so much happier the months that Callie had sparked up her friendship with the blond heart surgeon. Her father and I had discussed it late last night and we both agreed that as much as we wanted our baby girl back in Spain with us this is where she belonged.

I had been warned that Callie may have to stay in hospital a little longer for observation after her panic attack the night before. I wondered what the cause of it had been but the nurse didn't know or wouldn't say.

**CALLIE**

As I opened my eyes and felt her in my arms I relaxed. I knew that she was still here with me. That she hadn't left last night like I had so gravely feared. I stroked her blonde hair and she reached for me, pulling me in closer. I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. It felt so good. I couldn't remember the last time I'd smiled, really smiled.

I saw my mum sitting in a chair next to my bed. I smiled at her. She smiled back and leaned forward and kissed my head. "I love you, mija." "I love you too mum."

Erica stirred in my arms and gradually her eyes fluttered open. "Hi, Cal." She whispered. I smiled. Her blue eyes looked up at me and I couldn't help the huge smile that spread across my face. I would give anything to wake up like this every morning.

My mum quickly excused herself to get some breakfast for me. She knew how much I hated hospital food and had insisted that she go and buy me a bagel for breakfast. I smiled and thanked her.

**ERICA**

After Callie's mum had left I knew we had some things to talk about. "Callie, I think we need to talk." "oh, okay." I could see the disappointment that flooded her face. "Callie, I was wondered what you wanted to do because I don't mind but you, you can stay in my guest room if you want." She smiled at me and nodded. "I'd like that. I'd like that a lot." "I never got to tell you this yesterday but you've been ordered to take a month off of work and fully recover from your ordeal." "Okay." "I've decided that I thought that it'd be the best for both of us if I take the month off as well." Her whole face lit up. "Really?" I smiled. "Yeah." A few tears escaped her eyes and I brought her closer to me. I knew that she was extremely happy but she was probably overwhelmed as well. "Callie, there is something else." She looked up at me expectantly. "I've just taken the position of an attending here, at Seattle Grace." I beamed at her. She sobbed into my arms. "Thank you Erica, thank you, thank you." She repeated and repeated and I smiled. I knew that I'd made the right decision.


	6. Chapter 6

**ERICA**

As Callie signed her release papers. I grabbed her hospital bag that Christina had dropped in her room. Callie's parents were hugging her and saying there goodbyes. They didn't want to leave there Callie but they knew that she was in capable hands. Callie's mum came up to me and awkwardly hugged me. "Please look after my baby girl." She whispered in my ear "I will. I promise." The first thing I learnt when I became a doctor was never make a promise you can't keep. I'd promised Callie's mum that I would look after her and I intended to do just that.

**CALLIE**

Erica drove me to her house. We talked and I realized that she didn't live where she use to in Seattle. I remembered driving past her house on many occasions and a new couple lived there now. My Erica had gone and I didn't know where.

"Why'd you move?" I asked her. I heard her sigh. I already knew the answer. It was because of me. "I needed a clean break. There were too many memories in that house. I just, I needed a clean break." A tear slid down her cheek. I grabbed her free hand and held it, lightly stroking it. "I'm so sorry, Erica. I, I understand if, if you don't, don't want me in your new house. I understand." Erica looked at me. "Honey, of course I want you in my house. We're friends, best friends. Of course I want my best friend in my house." My face immediately fell, friends. Was that all I was too her now? Was it all I was ever going to be? It had been months since she'd left me. Maybe she already had a new girlfriend. "oh" I stuttered. She looked at me. Her face fell as well realizing what she had said. "Callie, I do want to talk about us. I mean I think we both need to figure out where we stand but I can't do that yet. I'm going to take you home, run you a bath and you can relax while I'll cook us something to eat." I smiled but I wouldn't meet her gaze. A tear slid down her cheek and I turned her head further away as I tried to wipe the tears away. I was trying to do it without her realizing. "Cal, everything will be alright. I, I'm going to get you through this. I will." I smiled through my teary eyes.

**ERICA**

When we arrived at my house. I opened the front door and showed her to her room. It was down the hall from mine. She dropped her bag on the floor. I walked into the ensuite and ran the bath. I noticed Callie looking around.

**CALLIE**

I couldn't believe how foreign I felt in her house. This was her life now. This was her house now. There was no trace of me anywhere that I had seen. I couldn't blame I wouldn't have wanted a reminder of me either. A tear fell down my cheek and I abruptly wiped it away but not without her noticing first. She wrapped me in a bear hug. Erica spoke softly and gently. "let's get you in the bath." The bath's water was steaming and the bubbles looked so relaxing. She left me in the bathroom while I stripped from my clothes and climbed in. I could tell that she was resistant to leave me in the bath alone, god knows what I did last time.

The memory seems so stupid now. I couldn't believe that I had sunk so low. That I'd hit rock bottom. As I sat in the bubbly water, the smell of honey cream filled the room as I squeezed the shampoo into my raven locks. The smell brought back so many memories. When my hands had tangled in the gorgeous hair, when I'd buried my face in her and it was all I could smell. It was so distinctly Erica. The smell made me smile. Erica. There was so much we had to talk about. I still couldn't believe that I was in her house. That she was still in Seattle. I couldn't believe that she hadn't changed her number, I mean, she'd changed her house, why not her number?

I sat in the bath. Going over all the wonderful moments I'd shared with her and that heart breaking moment when she'd told me that she didn't know me. God, I didn't know me.

How could she possibly. I mean, I cheated. I cheated on her. After everything George did to me I went and did the same thing to her. I can't believe it, that I was so stupid. That I ruined us. I couldn't believe that I was with her now. That she still loved me. I knew that she still loved me but how did she love me, was it I love me like a bestfriend or someone she would want to spend the rest of her life with. Would I ever be that too her?

I guess I would have to find out.

I'd been in the bath quite sometime. I washed the shampoo and then the conditioner out of my hair and stood up, climbing out of the bath. A pink fuzzy robe sat on the toilet waiting for me. I put it on and walked into my bedroom. I loved having an ensuite!

I put on my favorite pair of jeans and a green blouse that Erica had said looked beautiful on me.

I walked into the corridor. I could hear her talking on the phone. I didn't want to interrupt but I heard her mention my name and couldn't help but over hear what she was saying. "Yes, Callie is here…. I don't know….. I just don't know if I can…. She really hurt me…. I don't know if I even want too. I mean in the moment it seemed like the right thing to do but now I'm not so sure… Maybe she shouldn't be here at all." What I heard devastated me. She didn't want me here. Of course she didn't she only helped me out of pity. I wanted to burst in tears. I wanted to scream and cry but I couldn't. I went back into my room, Erica's guestroom and picked up my bag. I wiped the few tears that had escaped and opened the front door. I looked back into the house. I wanted to take one look of Erica's new house, new life because I knew that I would never see it again.


	7. Chapter 7

**ERICA**

While Callie was in the bath I got a call from Addison who had heard from Mark of Callie's suicide attempt. I was struggling to keep it together. I was so mixed up. Part of me thought it was a good idea bringing Callie back to my house but I couldn't be sure. I hated being unsure, unconfident. My whole professional life evolved around how sure I was, how confident I was. I knew everything inside and out there was very little I couldn't do blind folded but love, love was new to me. It was scary and exciting but new and I was unsure and unconfident in my abilities to be the person that Callie needed. "Maybe she shouldn't be here at all." I heard Addison sigh. "Do you really believe that?" I stuttered. "NO, no I don't. I can be who she needs. I love her Addison. I know I can do this; I will pull her through this. I promised her parents I would. I promised myself I would and I promised her I would. I love her." I could her Addison smiling into the phone. "That's good. That's great. Just look after her, Erica. That's all I ask." I promised I would and our conversation ended there.

**CALLIE**

I had my phone with me but it was dead. I couldn't call a taxi and I couldn't call Mark or Christina so I walked, I walked into the dark. I didn't know where I was going, I didn't care. I was too consumed in my thoughts. My thoughts of Erica. How she hadn't wanted me there. How she regretted offering me a place to stay. How I knew that she didn't really want me in her new life. The one away from Seattle Grace, away from me.

**ERICA **

After my conversation with Addison I headed into the kitchen. I boiled some water and put a packet of spaghetti into the saucepan. Meat sizzled in the frying pan. I grabbed a bottle of wine and set up to place settings on my small dining room table. I glanced at my watch and realized that Callie had been in the bath for nearly an hour. I knew that she loved to relax but an hour did seem rather long. I knocked on her bedroom door. She didn't reply. I pushed the door open and immediately noticed that her bag wasn't there. I had dropped it a mere hour on her bedroom floor an hour ago. I knocked on the bathroom door. No reply. I swung the door open. There was no sign of Callie. My stomach immediately dropped. Why had she gone? Where had she gone? I immediately picked my mobile up and dialed her number. It went straight to voicemail. I dialed Mark next. Tears were streaming down my face, I didn't know what to do? I didn't know why she'd left or where she'd gone? "Sloan." He answered. "Do you have Callie?" I could hear the panic in my voice and I knew he could too. "What do you mean? She's with you." I started to sob. "She's not. She's gone. I don't know why or where."

**MARK **

When I got the phone call I was just leaving the hospital. My stomach immediately lurched. She's gone.

"okay, okay. Well, her phone is dead. So she must be walking. Go, go get in your car and drive around. I'll be at your house in twenty minutes. Call me if you find her."

I quickly hung up the phone, got in my car and drove. Panic gripping my core. Why would she leave?

**ERICA**

I took a deep breathe to try and relax me. I needed to calm down if I was going to find her. I grabbed my keys and climbed into my car. I turned right and drove up the street. I hit a T intersection, left or right? I saw a sign that advertised a bar about two kilometers up the road to my left. I quickly turned to my left. Callie always drowned her sorrows in the cheapest liquor she could find. I drove for another minute before a figure came into view. She was walking along the road, I would recognize Callie anywhere. Dragging her bag behind her. I drove past her and she didn't even glance at my car. She was too consumed in her thoughts, tears streaming down her face. Pain I was sure that I had somehow caused. After everything that she had done to me I knew that deep down I still wanted to hug her and tell her I loved her because I did.

I pulled up ten metres ahead of her. She continued walking. It wasn't until she walked straight past my window that I opened the door and climbed out.

**CALLIE**

As I walked up the road I saw a billboard advertising a bar up ahead. I walked down the road, my thoughts still consumed of Erica. I didn't notice the car that had pulled up until I heard a voice calling my name behind me. "Callie…" I heard her say. I wanted to turn around. I wanted to run into her arms but I couldn't, I wouldn't. So I kept walking. It was when I heard her running after me, I knew I had to stop. I knew that she cared. Erica Hahn doesn't run. Never. She walks briskly and she walks fast but she doesn't run but she was, she was running after me.

**ERICA**

I gripped her hand tightly and I could see the tears that she'd cried, the left a glistening path on her cheek. Tears that were still running covering the other tear paths up. I'd hurt. I didn't know how but I had. "Callie…. Talk to me. Why did you leave?" She wouldn't meet my gaze. She stared at the floor, slumped over and defeated. "You don't want me there. I get that Erica. I don't want to leave you, god! I don't want you to leave me and I know that if you do again I, I….." She started to sob. I hugged her, while she cried on my shoulder. "Please don't leave me. I won't be any trouble I promise…. Please." I lifted her head from my shoulder and lifted her head. I lifted her chin so that she was looking in my eyes. "Cal, what's going on?" She sniffled and a tear fell. "I heard what you said…" I assumed that she saw the confusion that clouded my face. "On the phone." I hugged her tighter. "oh, Cal. I wished you had of talked to me or at least listened for a little longer. I was freaking out okay. I was just venting my worries to Addison but I realized that I wanted you to stay. That I wanted to help you. Please Callie come home with me." She slowly nodded and I walked her over to my car. I opened the passenger seat for her and I put her bag in the back seat and pulled out my mobile. I stood at the back of the car as I dialed Mark's number. "Erica, did you find her?" "Yes, I'm about to drive her to my house now." "Okay, well I'm about five minutes from your place now. So I'll see you when you arrive." I ended the call and climbed back into the car.

"Who was that?" "Just Mark, he'll be back at my house about the same time we arrive." She nodded and stared out the window. "is he, is he taking me back to Christina's?" I grabbed her hand and rubbed my thumb on her palm. "Cal, you're staying with me for us long as you need." Callie smiled. "I'll always need you Erica." "Then you'll always have me. Callie, you're strong and you're brave, you can and you will get through this. We will get through this and we'll come out the only side stronger. We will get through this." Callie turned her head and smiled at me. A genuine smile, a smile filled with hope. A renewed sense of hope.


	8. Chapter 8

**MARK **

I was sitting on the front steps of Erica's house waiting for them to arrive. A car pulled into the drive way and I could see there two faces looking back at me. My eyes immediately fell on Callie as I went to the car door to help her out. She looked exhausted both physically and emotionally. She was barely able to stand up. Her eyes continually closing until eventually she fell asleep in my arms. I picked her up and carried her inside. I placed her on the bed and Erica went to get a sweatshirt and boxers for her to wear. Erica and I undressed and re-clothed her before placing the doona cover over her and exiting the room.

**ERICA **

I thanked Mark for his help and I agreed to call him if it became too hard and I needed a break or help. He left and I went to check on my raven haired beauty. She was sound asleep.

I climbed into bed and eventually fell asleep. In the middle of the night I heard my door creak open as a Latino climbed into bed next to me. I turned around and wrapped my arms around her waist and laid one of my legs protectively over hers. I fell back asleep with her pulling me closer.

**CALLIE**

When I woke up the following morning the first thing I felt was her hot breath against my neck. We were still interlaced together. In the middle of the night, I needed to be near her, I needed to know that she was still with me. I woke up and I didn't know where she was and for a minute I panicked but then I remembered that I was in her house, in her guestroom. I opened the door and walked the distance between our rooms. Opening the door I saw her there. Fast asleep. I crept over and slid into bed next to her. I saw her blue eyes looking back at me before she wrapped her arms around me and I immediately relaxed into the embrace and I drifted back to sleep.

Now looking at her, I feel so refreshed. I hadn't slept so well in a long time. Her blonde curls fell in front of my face and I could see the smile playing on her lips. I couldn't believe that she was here with me. I couldn't believe how wrong I'd been. Maybe she really did want me to stay? Maybe I only heard part of the conversation?

I slid out of her embrace and headed towards the kitchen. I picked a pan up and started baking waffles.

**ERICA **

I woke up and immediately noticed her absence. I could smell the waffles and I put my robe on and walked out into the kitchen. I smiled when I saw her chocolate orbs looking back at me. A smile playing on her lips, "I made waffles." She handed me a plate with ice cream, maple syrup and strawberries lying on top of my waffle. "Thanks."

Callie looks straight at me. I can tell that she's about to say something but she keeps hesitating. "I, I want to apologize to you. I can only imagine how big of an inconvenience I must be too you and I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like I did. I'm so sorry Erica." A tear escaped and I knew that we had a lot to talk about today. I needed to know everything that had happened since I had left. I needed to know about everything that had led her to wanting to end her life. "Cal, it's okay. I probably would have jumped to the wrong conclusions as well and today Cal, I want you to talk to me about everything that's happened since I left. Everything you felt, everything that happened, everything. I think it will help you." She nodded but wouldn't meet my gaze. I lifted her chin up. "Callie, I love you. I am not going to judge you and you have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed okay. I want to know what led you to picking up that knife." I choked out before my tears fell and she hugged me tight. "I'm so sorry Erica. I'm so sorry.' I looked at her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be apologizing."

**CALLIE**

Erica and I spent the morning in tears. Consoling and comforting one another as I explained what had happened in the months that she'd been gone. I was first and explained the emptiness that I felt when she left "like a piece of me was missing." I told her about how everything reminded me of her. "How I wished that you'd come back and how you never did." I told her how I'd had a horrible day, how nothing was going right. How all of my patients that I had operated on had died during or after surgery. How I thought that I couldn't do my job properly anymore and that I wasn't really helping anyone. "How a bottle blonde had hit on me at Joe's and how I realized how much I missed you. How I couldn't live without you." She brought up my weightloss. I'd gone down four dress sizes. I was embarrassed to say that I didn't eat anymore. I didn't have an appetite. My hair had lost its nature shine and my face showed signs of exhaustion. I'd been pulling double shifts and sleeping in on-call rooms for the past months and had had very little if any sleep at all. "I didn't know how to do it anymore." I told her "and then the final wave hit. I'd cleared out all of your stuff months ago, a week after you left. I was desperate to forget about you. Something I deeply regret ever trying to do now. Your shampoo and conditioner that were in my shower, your book, half a bottle of wine we never got to finish, panties that I found under my bed, a jumper and the framed picture I had of us on my dressing table. I found your little bottle of perfume hidden under my medicine cabinet. A scent you only wore on special occasions, like our first date. All of the memories flooded back. I'd tried so desperately to forget but I couldn't. I opened the bottle and the smell flooded all my senses. I couldn't help the tears that fell and so I did it. I wrote all that I needed to say on that piece of paper and then I, I…" I started to sob and she did too. We held onto one another, until finally the tears subsided.


End file.
